What i am to him is no longer important

Feelin low at the current moment.. I really don't know what i am thinking.. Just wanna give myself a tight slap across my face and let myself come to sense.. Really can't understand why i am always at faut when it comes to quarrel between us.. Am i really at fault at times? Me , myself also don't know..Just can't bear to leave the smile he gave me and the happy moments we spent together every now and than.. I really treasure the time being with him.. But he choose to disappoint me time by time.. I am being hurt by him several times and i just can't express to him how i feel.. Maybe this had come to an end for the two of us..I am giving up..In the end, i am defeated by you..Don't worry ,I will stay cheerful as before and hide my tears.. Don't wanna think anymore !