don't tell me how fortunate you are

My dad told me the fish die le.. At first i thought it was nothing, it was just simply a fish.. But the fish meant alot for me..It was the fish he last gave me.. i promised him that i will take good care of the fish.. but it was gone..When can i learn to treasure the things before me before they are all gone? I felt that whatever i do , i am such a loser.. Everything is gone now.. Things not meant to be mine will forever not be mine.. I can't stop time from moving forward and i can't rewind the time back to the past.. Everything i do, i felt regret ! what's the hell i am thinking and what's the hell i want myself to do? I am not really smiling , i may seemed happy but i am not `` Feeling stressed up of what i really wants.. Can everything be back to normal again? Don't show me how fortunate you are.. i don't wish to know.. I just want to lead my simply life without you.. I want to prove it to you that i am as happy as before without you.. Don't let me dream of you neither do i want to dream of you..Get off my nice dream.. I will never let you occupy my thought ! shoo ! off you go.. Don't get the wrong idea, i never like you.. This is simply missing.. but i promised that this will not carry on after my n level ..All i want to do now is to treasure all the things and people around me.. And i don't wanna lose them.. i will grab hold every single of them tight .. I don't want to make myself regret again.. NEVER AGAIN ! THIS FEELING IS REAL BAD !